by Kapilioha
Unwrapped version:
sometimes I
am a bead
of sweat
if nothing
— the salt
my grandmother is about to die
does it happen
when the lights flash
or when I stop dancing
or
do I stop dancing because
the lights flash
or when I sleep?
I think everyone had
a fight
this tonight
reduced
parched
started believing we’d been
each other’s breath for so long
it’s hilarious, late
after lust and regret
I thought I broke the pill yesterday
or when I was something
you could
bet on in the worst way
I went to the parking lot
I went to the elementary school
because I remember a time
when only my crushes were
the matter
but now is — a convergence of every reality every decision
keep squeezing the pimple
on my shoulder squee me
squee me
and I'm melted
and I’m a silhouette
I’m scared that I have to finish everything now
somehow
sushi dates every Thursday but
never the second so never
the rest;
but maybe the reason I can’t keep
friends is because I don’t know
when I’m
horny
so what if I fill —
with the dust of my self —
the gaps that I create
I only just turned around facing
the other side of the closet
or was it when the door closed
behind my turning
and I hope he
dresses how he wants
I hope the tears streaming through
my nose clean its piercing on the way
because sometimes I feel like the
only thing i do for my
self is writing
or pick my nose
but I don’t ever ever want to
— know how easy it is to hurt myself
and I keep forgetting to stop
and he doesn’t with anyone else
and it’s because I’m gay
and somehow they met me I don’t know
where I was but they met me every
single person I said
how are we already an imaginary
younger than my broken
and I keep
forgetting he sings to me
I need the silence I need the questions
before it all I need the strength I
need the strength
or to trust the seizes of my heart
or to gather every piece of my
self